Friday, 31 October 2014

Fwd: Bobs wedding night!


Robert , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . . .

Fwd: Logic . . .

'Male' vs 'Female'---------- logic!


Do you drink beer?


Man: Yes

How many beers a day?

Usually about 3

How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

(This is where it gets scary !)

And how long have you been drinking?

About 20 years, I suppose

So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?


If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?


Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting

for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Do you drink beer?


Where's your Ferrari?




Fwd: HOW TO ASK FOR A DATE - is there another way?

How to ask for a date:
Gently touch her hand, and show her that you care.....

Fwd: salary increase request

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: 

? I do physical labor 
? I work at great depths 
? I work head first 
? I do not get weekends off or public holidays 
? I work in a damp environment 
? I don?t get paid overtime or shift penalties 
? I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation 
? I work in high temperatures 
? My work exposes me to contagious diseases 

Response from Management 

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: 

? You do not work 8 hours straight 
? You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods 
? You do not always follow the orders of the management team 
? You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas 
? You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working 
? You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift 
? You don?t always observe safety measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits 
? You don?t wait till pension age before retiring 
? You don?t like working double shifts 
? You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day?s work 
? And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags

Fwd: New octopus species washed up on the beach !

New octopus species washed up on the beach !

Fwd: Marriage quotes

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson

The great question.. which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O'Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel

"Honey, what happened to 'ladies first'?"
Husband replies, "That's the reason why the world's a mess today, because a lady went first!"
David Letterman

"First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes!
Jay Leno

Fwd: : Guess who this is>CAREFUL>

Guess who this is...XXX



Think waaaaay back on this one...

Guess who this is.
Do you know?





I don't know either!!!

Send it to your friends....maybe they know
Who she is.... it's got me stumped.